Should’ve Called It Like I Saw It…


Well it is 11/11/15 and SDGE thinks it is a good idea to replace a pole outside the ranch. Usually I do not mind these “improvements”, but can’t they do this shit in the middle of the night? I wouldn’t mind the noise or big lights outside… I don’t use the Internet or TV at night, so it would be a great time…

I digress.

So I titled this blog, “Should’ve Called It Like I Saw it”. Don’t ask me why. Seemed like a good idea yesterday when I had planned to type this blog post (lazy much, Amy?). Perhaps I had a thought process that has now escaped me (ENCEPHALITIS!)????

Tomorrow I have another one of the pre-Transplant testing. Nuclear Medicine Rest and Stress Test, or whatever they are calling it these days. Either way, I’ll be going back to Thornton Hotel (Hospital) Interventional Radiology for something other than my usual Paracentesis. The good in all that, I get to check in with my friends in the department (Marietta, Heidi, Thomas…) and see how they’ve all been.

It’s been 2 weeks since my last Para and not seeing a need for one at least until next week. So my low-sodium diet coupled with the increase in my diuretics have begun to work. Thank God, err…, Dr. Vodkin for that. I may pee more, but at least I’m not looking 4 months pregnant. Normal life meet Amy Kristen Suter!

I’m back bitches!

I am finally seeing hope and dreams and happiness. You know, that kind of happiness that comes with truth and not some fake happy reality…. Actually genuinely happy. I just started noticing it about a week or so ago. I looked at my mother and I’m like, “Mom, I’m actually happy. Like truly, not in a fake way, happy. When did that happen???”

She said I should have found this out about myself sooner but needed to “go through it” to get here.

But on the flip side…. I’ve begun to notice that I’m looking at myself in a vanity sort of way. Like looking at things I’d like to change about my appearance. Yes, I have 34A boobies and a size 6 body. I’m kicking myself in the ass for not getting silicone implants in 2001 when Dr. Lori Saltz (La Jolla Cosmetic Surgery Center) asked me if I wanted them during my 8 hour nip, tuck, suck, lift surgery. Now I can’t get elective surgeries for the foreseeable future. So no boobs and no ass! And don’t get me started on my face… My nose is sort of becoming more prominent for my taste. And Botox. Please let the good doctors gift me with Botox for Christmas (not going to happen for a very very long time, but one can have dreams!).

I need to work on that. It is unnecessary vain thinking. I have recently been told that I’m beautiful just the way I am. God bless him!

End-Stage Liver Failure (without Hepatitis) sucks sometimes. Diuretics make me pee all the time and my skin and hands so dry that I can’t keep up with the lotion! I have pain in places unexplainable and so random it’s frustrating. And I can’t run to the Ibuprofen like you all can. No pain meds for this liver patient. I get headaches daily. I have to take Tylenol (I’m allotted 2000mg per day) just to go up and down the mountain where I live here in the mountains of San Diego County. The Lactulose that I take for the ammonia build-up in my liver – well, let’s just say, it is discomforting to say the least. Ever “stopped up”? Call me! I can help you!!! And I don’t even take it for that reason.

I get nauseated for no reason at all. Did I mention the constant need to pee??? I also have Encephalitis. It sucks. When I was in the hospital, I woke up confused and stuttering. I couldn’t form words that my brain wanted my mouth to speak. I knew then I had something wrong, but I let it go as a side effect of meds from being in a coma, etc…

I got home from the hospital in March and was reading over all my information given to me including all my diagnoses’ (diagnosees? diagnoseses? LOL!). I noticed “Hepatic Encephalopathy”. Bingo. So I did some research and instead of heading to a speech therapist, I worked hard to reverse it myself. It’s been almost 8 months and I have most of it under control but I do sometimes stutter or type words that my brain wasn’t thinking. I tend of pause when speaking to not make a point, but to create the words to form the thought I want to speak. I forget simple words, names, etc. I forgot the name of my own beloved but now since deceased cat, Wooly! Who does that?

My perfect spelling and grammar, out the window. Me being a walking Thesaurus, negative! Most people have no clue. Even my own mother doesn’t notice it. But I do. It’s a daily therapy work-out! I’ve most recently started feeling a “little off” when driving. Like unsure but not in a “I can’t drive kind of way”. Just uncomfortable. As if I’m exhausted and haven’t slept. I hear most, if not all, of this will disappear when I get my transplant. Hopes and dreams!

Now mind you, I’m not complaining. Not in the very least. I have no reason to complain. I’m alive. God gifted me with a new life. But I want to give you the reality of daily life with this disease. DON’T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!

On the flip side, after all the testing I have had done to me and continue to be done over this course of almost 8 months and going further, I am the HEALTHIEST DYING WOMAN YOU EVER SAW!

No lie.

So my focus is always keeping the rest of my body in tip top shape. I’m trying to gain weight (who EVER in their life can say that? I never thought I would…), but it is so incredibly hard. One can only eat so many beans and legumes in one day. PLANT PROTEIN!!!

I’ve begun to love vegetables. I juice. I enjoy Mrs. Dash! I had to give up dreaming of a big ass fatty rib-eye because it has no use or benefit to my body. Apparently, the liver also processes meat, so yeah, my liver has the “CLOSED” sign in big, bold, neon lighting!!

I love ice cream, candy, chocolate, bananas, snack packs, cookies… shit, I can pretty much eat everything else with no ramifications! But in my “diet-minded”, ahem, mind, I keep thinking to myself, “I don’t want to get fat”!

I have no reason to worry about this vain shit right now. But it is how I feel. And most of you think the same thing!

On a lighter note, to go along with the happy, I have people in my life who make me extra happy. One in particular who is a positive light for me. Happy.

So back to why I called this blog post “Should’ve Called It Like I Saw It…”. Still no clue. I know there is a song with that name. Wait, no. It’s called “Whiskey”. Figures. Maybe I heard it and it was in my subconscious…. Hmm… Kidding. Seriously.

But if you think about it. We all should’ve called it like we saw it and ran for hell! Maybe a lot of us wouldn’t have some of the problems we have today… Lessons to learn.

Well I guess I’ll close up for now and work in my transplant binders. Always reading. Always updating. Such is life.

With love, Always,



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s